Awkward
by Lycoris Calantha
Summary: Team Seven friendship. SasuSaku, NaruHina. Because embarrassing Sasuke’s that much fun. ‘Oi, teme… I… er… I’m planning to propose to Hina-chan soon and… and… I think Sakura-chan would be pissed and I think…’ A misunderstanding, flirting, and coffee.


Awkward – Team Seven friendship. SasuSaku, NaruHina. Because embarrassing Sasuke's that much fun. 'Oi, teme… I… er… I'm planning to propose to Hina-chan soon and… and… I think Sakura-chan would be pissed and I think…'

Disclaimer – must I even type this?

Flamers, instead of the norm of going to jail for arson, will find a fire extinguisher painfully colliding with his or her sad, sad head.

I accept criticism. I detest people who have no purpose but to insult other people with varying degrees of grammar. (I know a five year old that can spell better than some.

Thank you.

Oh, right. School's starting soon...

Oh, I avoid cursing, though apparently, since the people in Naruto seem to have no care… -shrugs- Hey, I'm not saying it.

* * *

There was a lean figure sitting on the coffee shop table at six twenty-one in the _bleeding_ morning, wanting to hunch over and go to sleep but he was too. Damn. Proud.

"Oi, teme!" another man chirped, smiling perkily. "Good morning!"

"Good morning?" his companion hissed.

Naruto cringed, backing slowly.

"Good morning?" he repeated, eyes slitted and looking very intimidating. "You make me wake up at five in the morning and meet you in a damn coffee shop at five thirty."

Naruto squeaked. "Um… well…"

But no. Uchiha Sasuke was _on a roll_. And he was not going to let Uzumaki Naruto getting out of it with a verbal flaying at the very least. "And then, dammit, the coffee shop opens at six… and you were late anyways."

"I'm… sorry?" his best friend (by default) tried tentatively. He was hardly ever 'tentative'. Mostly obnoxious.

"Why are we here, anyways?" he asked, low pitched voice threatening.

"Because I wanted to catch up?"

"We meet every day, moron."

"Um. Right. I wanted to ask you…"

"What?" Sasuke hissed, eyes slitted and with his pale complexion, he resembled Orochimaru more than Naruto ever thought he could.

Naruto gulped. "I want your help."

"Get. To. The. Point."

"Um, I was wondering how you proposed to Sakura-chan."

He sat up straight. "Oh, tying the knot, dobe?" he smirked. He frowned soon after, though.

His leg was_ itchy_.

Maybe a mosquito bit him without his noticing because of his brain-dead-ness in the morning.

Or something.

Whatever.

The point is, it was itchy.

**And** annoying as hell.

He was not in the mood to deal with annoying things today. (Pink haired cherry blossom excluded, _of course_.)

"What's it to you?" Naruto snapped, scowling at him.

"To whom?" he asked, and Naruto's face flared red.

He wondered why, but decided to poke fun at him.

"Who are you proposing to, Na-ru-to?" he teased, intent on getting revenge for making him wake up early and making him suffer.

"Um… Eh… S-Sasuke…"

"Hm?" he asked, stirring his coffee (it was a **coffee** shop…).

Naruto? Stuttering? That did not happen.

There was a soft gasp and a muffled thud. Sasuke ignored the distraction and leaned closer. "What is it?"

"Oi, teme… I… er… I'm planning to propose to Hina-chan soon and… and… I think Sakura-chan would be pissed and I think… I think… Uh…"

"Hinata then, is it? Why were you blushing and stammering, then?"

"Well… Uh… teme…"

"What?"

A distinct voice invaded the conversation. "What Naruto means, Sasuke-kun, is that you should seriously stop flirting with him. Both of you are taken, _darling_," Sakura smiled maliciously, staring pointedly at his feet.

She was supporting Hinata, who probably was the cause of the _delightful_ gasp-and-thud combo a few seconds ago. Hyuuga Hinata: KO'ed. Not a good sign.

Sasuke, fearing for his life, but not quite sure he wanted to know, gazed with horror at his leg.

The itchy one.

The irritating one.

It wasn't rubbing against the table's leg; no, that was what he was intending. And it had **not** happened.

In the possibly former words of the timid Hyuuga's cousin… _Today was fated to hate him. _Today was practically his funeral. Hell, if he didn't know better, before today was over, he'd wish he'd died _yesterday_.

First he woke up ridiculously early.

Then, his so-called best friend dragged him off to ask how he proposed to his wife.

And now, he was positive this was some twisted conspiracy to make him crazy. He was _straight_, dammit. He was also married.

And his wife is there, promising a look that meant 'the couch'.

"This isn't how it looks." It was a statement of denial. He just hoped it was enough. _Kami-sama, save me_, he thought desperately.

"Stop concocting conspiracy theories, Sasuke-kun," his wife smiled eerily. The expression dropped, and she had a soft smile on her face, and she wasn't as scary.

"… Hn," he said, trying to regain his dignity.

"Oh. Right. Naruto?" she continued, addressing the blonde, who was attempting to rouse his soon to be fiancée, (who had fainted in one of the worst understandings. Ever.) "You'll explain to Hinata-chan."

Naruto paled considerably. "M-Me?" he asked, feeling utterly abused.

"Yes," she smirked, and they could have sworn her eyes glinted mischievously (evilly). "Sasuke-kun, how could you!?" she exclaimed, turning to her husband. "You… _You…_ It's bad enough that you had your first kiss with a guy! But now… now… you're having an affair with a man; the same man you kissed all those years ago!"

"Uh... um… Sakura…"

She went on, anyways. "And to think, I was going to surprise you, too… but_ noooooooo_," she paused dramatically, "you have to surprise me. With the worst possible surprise ever!"

"Sakura… It's not what you think," he started, but she raised a palm to stop him.

"There's no excuse! I thought you'd be happy to be a father, but I guess not, so you decided to go on a… a _tryst_ with_ him_." Sakura pointed at Naruto theatrically.

_Oh boy,_ Sasuke thought, mortified.

He was doomed.

He was dead.

He was dead_ yesterday_.

He was dead last _month_, last _year_, last _decade_… he was dead _before _he was _born._

Hell, he was a dead, decomposing corpse with maggots and fungi and all that…

… _Wait. _

"A father?" he asked, a little scared of the answer.

His wife responded with a feral smile.

Uchiha Sasuke couldn't take it anymore.

He was a man.

He was an Uchiha (and no longer the last, if Sakura could be believed.

He was a shinobi.

And he kicked butt.

So, Uchiha Sasuke, in full view of all patrons in the coffee shop…

Fainted.

* * *

How was that? Though it seemed to me that I tortured Naruto more than Sasuke… Ah, well…

Review!


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